Sister Jennifer
I was taken from the United States into the worldwide Community Cenacolo
and Jesus has cleansed me, given me a new heart of flesh, placed a new
spirit in me and has become my God. Today in thanksgiving and with lots
of joy in my heart I am walking the path of consecration to announce to
the whole world that the Risen Jesus exists!
My Younger Days
Having gone to private, Catholic school all my life, I thought I knew who Jesus was and I thought I was a good Christian because I went to Mass on Sundays, volunteered my time to teach religious education and to help social-service organizations. I even double-majored in Religious Studies and Spanish so that one day I could help the poor in a third-world country. Even though I desired to love and serve others only later did I realize that I needed to help the first poor person: my own self. As a life-long student I had always made great sacrifices to get to the next step in my studies, convinced that afterwards I would finally be happy, but this was just an illusion. I put little effort into constructing friendships, I considered the simple joys a waste of time and I did anything but know how to savour the present moment. In the end I was alone, depressed and unable to face daily life without seeking comfort in food or distracting myself in other ways. I turned to medical doctors and psychologists, their anti-depressant drugs, self-help books and other programs for help but they could not resolve the root of my problem. It was at this point of desperation that Our Blessed Mother intervened and led me to Medjugorje in August of 1999 on a pilgrimage where I met Sister Elvira Petrozzi and the Cenacolo Community, the eyes, hands, hearts of Jesus Christ today on Earth.
The Community School of Life
The Cenacolo Community is a never-ending School of Life and it teaches us how to live a Gospel-based, concrete, Christian life. It helps one rediscover life in all of its facets: prayer, work, the dignity of the human person, truthful dialogue, constructive friendships and making sacrifices. It asked me to do the ordinary things of life well and with love: I could not remain the indifferent, disorderly, incoherent Christian that I was. Rather, it challenged me to live a my faith in a concrete way: it was not enough to go into ecstasy in the chapel if I did not put the Word of God into practice when I exited. I learned that being service-oriented was more than just helping when I felt like it -- it meant being ready to serve at any time and doing whatever was asked of me, especially when it was untimely and unpleasant. I learned that love was an act of will and it manifested itself in many small, concrete gestures, oftentimes accompanied by the cross. Also, in this School of Life, the Community asked me to make sacrifices that would liberate me from my many hidden and not-sohidden dependences. For example, I was invited to keep only that which was necessary and give the rest to Providence. This new concept of living simply and trusting in Divine Providence began to heal my excessive need to control my life, my future, what I ate and what I did all day because there was always someone that programmed my day in Community.
The Gift of Eucharistic Adoration
There were millions of fears and difficult moments that I was able to overcome thanks also to the friendships constructed with the brothers and sisters around me who accepted me as poor as I was but who also helped me to change for the better. But the true force that gave me the strength to go on amidst the difficulties was through the power of prayer and the gift of Eucharistic adoration. I began to experience that Jesus was truly present in the consecrated host when, coming out of the chapel, I felt His peace and I felt accepted for who I was despite all of my poverty. I even began to wake up in the middle of the night to remain with Him and to see the truth about myself, my daily events and relationships. It was an ongoing dynamic: the more I prayed, the more I saw the light, the more I saw the light, the more I needed Jesus Love and Mercy. I often yelled for help and for healing like the blind man of Jericho and found that little by little, I was being transformed.
Towards the end of my first year in Community in a moment of adoration I told Jesus that I wanted to consecrate my heart to Him. I was so taken by a Love that I had never before experienced (a love for Jesus, a love for my life, a love for the others) that I wanted to give my life to Him and to tell the world about Him. The only problem was that I had no idea that consecrating myself to Jesus meant becoming a nun. Although I always respected and loved nuns, I never wanted to be one of them! I was too fixated on finding the perfect prince in shining armour like I had seen in the movies. Luckily there was the truer part of me that had to verify my vocation before I got married and thanks to Mother Elvira, I could do so in Community.
True Happiness for Me
From the very beginning, Elvira assured me that I was completely free to choose the path of matrimony or the path of consecration, not even God would tell me what to do. In fact, Gods will for me was that I be happy! Its just that I had to choose and then remain faithful to the choice that I made. The hardest part was that I had to chooseand choosing meant suffering because I had to say No to something good in order to say Yes to something better, something unknown. The more I prayed and remained in front of the Blessed Sacrament, worked and lived the daily events of the house with the sisters, the more I fell in love with my life that was resurrecting, the new woman that was beginning to blossom, the intense Community life of work, recreation, friendship and sincere dialogue and most importantly the more I fell in love with Jesus. Little by little it became clearer to me who I really was and what my gifts were and the desire to become a mother grew stronger. I sensed that my heart longed to love not just my family but all families, that I wanted to bear many children but more in a spiritual way than the physical. I wanted to be free to be sent to the missions in foreign countries or to be sent to wherever the Holy Spirit called me according to the needs of the Community the idea of any other lifestyle made me feel suffocated. It was after all of these discoveries that I realized that my happiness could be best realized in the path of consecration. And today I am very overly happy (stra-felice as Elvira says) that I took that risk and said my Yes!!!
This is my fourth year living in the House of Formation, three of which I spent as a novice and one year as a temporary professed sister. Each year my love for Jesus and for the others evolves in a deeper, truer way. Through the daily life of work, prayer, silence, Lectio Divina and the many unexpected changes inspired by the Holy Spirit, I am continually challenged to get to know myself, to go deeper within me and to allow Jesus to enter into me. The more I go forward the poorer I feel and the more I need Jesus Love and Mercy. I came into the House of Formation as a twenty-three year old little girl seeking to be loved and over these short years, little by little, Jesus heals my wounds which free me to go out of myself and to love as He wants me to love, to be as He has always desired me. All of this is only possible through the intercession and example of Mary, Our Blessed Mother. I want to say a special thank you to my parents and to my sisters who have suffered with me and for me through these years of joys and tribulations, especially when they did not know about nor understand the Community Cenacolo. I thank God because today they are part of the family Cenacolo and together we can witness, experience and participate in this new and true Christian adventure!
** Read Sister Jennifer's account of the Corpus Christi Procession in Villa Salvador